The Unconscious Mind

Back in high school I had a crush on this guy*... for like 2 years. Nothing ever came of it, even though I had good reason to suspect he also liked me. I never acted on it mostly because we were in VERY different cliques and I don't think his friends liked me much, and I honestly regretted it. For some reason, this regret has followed me until this day. Let me explain that a bit so it doesn't sound so wrong. I haven't seen the guy since high school, have no intention to ever see him again but I keep dreaming about him.... for years now he's a regular character in my dreams. If he knew I'm sure he'd get a total ego trip out of it, I sure would.

I've tried to understand why and I think I finally understand. I'm not good with unfinished business. I like closure -- lots of it... even if I force it. The thing with this guy is the what if? remained. I rarely leave what ifs and since then I've actually acted on most of my impulses (within reason) so that I wouldn't have what ifs. But back to the point, in my dreams I'll usually see this guy (I'm always surprised to see him) and we end up together. Obviously, I wake up upset because I'm unconsciously cheating on Nick, something I would never do awake.

The other night I had the same dream, but at the end of the dream instead of ending up with the guy I chose Nick and that's when it clicked: this guy is the representation of my single self. As a single woman I'd be free to pursue this guy, even if I wouldn't if I were conscious, but the option would be there. This is totally cheesy, but by dreaming that I chose Nick instead I think it means I'm actually finally okay with getting married. And I never had any clue that I was so commitment phobic. All of this because of a high school crush.

*A rare 2 posts in one day... but I got inspired.

ABCs... or It's Friday and I'm Bored

A* - Age: 27

B - Band listening to right now: Derek Trucks Band - Sahib Teri Bandi

C - Career future: I want to be a travel show host when I grow up.

D - Dad’s name: Juan

E - Easiest person to talk to: Hmmmm....I'll say Bootie because she doesn't get lost by my endless tangents or tell me to get to the point already.

F - Favorite type of shoe: peep toe heels

G – Grapes or Grapefruit: Grapes cause they make wine out of them. Duh.

H – Hometown: Vienna.

I – Instrumental talent: Does voice count? I play rudimentary piano.

J – Juice of choice: Passion fruit juice

K – Koala Bear or Panda Bear: When I was a kid I LOVED koalas, but have since learned that koala's have VICIOUS claws, I'll go for panda.

L - Longest car ride ever: DC to Miami... 17 hours I think.

M – Middle name: Not telling 'cause it's pretty unique and this is the internets and some you all are creepy. But it's not like a first name, it's a family name.

N - Number of jobs you’ve had: 11 that I can quickly count.

O- OCD traits: I obsessively pick at any pimple and pluck any stray eyebrow hair.

P - Phobia[s]: Deep water and I'm a little scared of the dark

Q - Quote: I've been recently known to say (often) "It's not as easy as it looks" and "seriously" and "the thing is" but my repeat sayings change every few months or so.

R - Reason to smile: I just got paid!

S - Song you sang last: Hmmm.... Rick Springfield "Jesse's Girl"

T - Time you wake up: My alarm is set for 7:05 but I usually snooze till 7:30

U - Unknown fact about me: I'll make it quick. I used to suck my thumb till I was like 11, and my orthodontist put this thing called a cradle attached to my teeth to get me to stop. Consequently not long after, a huge chunk of hair fell from the back of my head from the shock.

V - Vegetable you hate: Beets

W - Worst habit: Nail biting

X - X-rays you’ve had: I fractured my left pinkie, and my left kidney had to be xrayed before I got surgery.

Y - Yummiest food my belly likes: Anything with garlic, olive oil, cheese, olives... Mediterranean should cover it. Ooooh and coconut milk, LOVE coconut milk.

Z - Zodiac sign: Taurus

*Yeah, yeah, it's a meme deal with it.

DC vs. NoVa

Having lived in Virginia for the majority of my adult life (and quite a bit of my non-adult life as well) I gotta say I'm pretty partial to the state. I mean, I went to college in Maryland so I know what that's like... and it's no Virginia.

The District and I, however, have always had a love/hate relationship. I worked in the Farragut area of DC for 4 years and part of the time I took the metro and part I drove so it's not the Metro's fault. I rather enjoy the Metro, it's the greatest place for people watching in the city. My favorite part was driving in or out of the city, crossing either the Roosevelt or Memorial Bridges and seeing that beautiful skyline at dawn and dusk with the city blanketed in snow or covered in leaves or flowers. Despite the traffic, I loved that drive. Random note, my absolute favorite drive in the area is the GW parkway. It's just perfect.

While in town and walking around, it was kind of hit or miss. I loved being able to walk to places. When I lived in Nice, France and I didn't have a car all I did was walk, and DC being a relatively small city like Nice it was a good reminder of those days. However, in order to get to somewhere further away, such as Columbia Heights or Adams Morgan or U Street it was always a complication. If I lived in DC I don't think locations would be such a bit deal, I'd totally know schedules and take buses and such but I love having a car, and cars are not such a great option for the city... unless you have the money to afford a townhouse with a driveway or a monthly parking fee.

My big problem with working in the city? Lunch. Maybe it's the Farragut area, I'm not really sure, but finding a good and relatively cheap place to eat was impossible. I'd end up going to the same place every day or end up in my work's cafeteria. Now that I'm in the Courthouse area, I feel overwhelmed with lunch possibilities. Hell, there's even a Whole Foods within walking distance! There's Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Middle Eastern, Southern, Five Guys, a delicious deli and who knows what else that I haven't discovered yet. And the best part is that most of those locations are under $10! You try to eat at Breadline for under $10, it's impossible!

Another joy of Courthouse, the bars. I'm sure many of you will tell me of the great dive bar in your neighborhood, but I had a hard time finding a decent one (again, might be the area I was in). In Courthouse I know of at least 3. Sadly, my absolute favorite, Dr. Dremos is no more but there's still Galaxy Hut which has some of the best beers around on tap.

Maybe it's just the change of scenery, but there aren't nearly as many assholes on the street, very few homeless (if any), and no tourists!

And maybe it's the fact that I work 15 minutes or less from home. That helps a lot.

So, your turn: if you live/work in either DC/VA or even MD, which do you prefer and why?

Random Bits

I need my eight hours of sleep every night. Seven is pushing it. If I sleep under 5 hours I'm punchy enough to make it through the day. However 6 hours of sleep, like I had last night thanks to Women's Gymnastics, and I'm strugglin'. So that means I can't form too many cohesive thoughts.

So Women's Gymnastics? Well, it was nail-biting. Warning, if you haven't see it there are spoilers ahead. Miseralba screwed up the competition for everyone (that's really gotta suck) and the U.S. got the Silver Medal. I think that's still pretty good, I mean, the US team sucked last Olympics right? I mean, it's an improvement! That's about all I have to say about that.

I'm two weeks into my new job now! It's pretty cool, if a bit slow. But it's always slow in the beginning. I've been warned to enjoy this because it's apparently I'm gonna be VERY busy. Yay!

In my new office, the bathroom has two flush buttons: one for number one and one for number two (water usage). It reminds me of Demolition Man. I kinda think that movie is a bit of a prediction to what the future's going to be. Not because it's any good, I mean the movie kinda sucked, but because so much of the stuff in the movie has been coming true. In one scene Sandra Bullock is explaining the past history to Stallone and mentions the Schwarzenegger era, as in Arnold, and even goes so far as to explain the new amendment that allows non-US born citizens to run for president. Then, 10 years later, Arnold becomes governor of Cali? Really? And now there are flush buttons? I mean, what's next the three seashells?

Yeah, I went on a tangent there.

I'm going to chop my hair off on Saturday. Dunno how short yet. But that's the one thing I've never had the balls to do with my hair... cut it short that is. The hair is currently about 4 inches past my shoulders and I'm gonna cut it above my shoulders, again don't know how much above my shoulders yet. This doesn't seem that drastic, I know, but I've never had my hair shorter than shoulder length.

And the car? I've decided on the Mazda3, unless anyone has anything I should take into consideration. And the fact that I've been seeing five thousand Mazda3's on the road does not actually deter me but encourages me because it tells me it's a car lots of people have and like.

I'm gonna go get some more coffee now.

The big V

When I'm at home eating alone I like watching crappy movies. This night was no different and I caught the last 45 minutes of the 1996 movie Stealing Beauty (yes the one with Liv Tyler).

Nick came home halfway through those 45 minutes and says: Are you watching Stealing Beauty?The movie where Liv Tyler has awkward sex in the forest with some funny looking Italian kid?
Me: Yes as a matter of fact I am. I used to really like this movie, haven't seen it in years.
Nick: Yeah, this was my high school girlfriend's favorite movie.
Me: Really? Her favorite? I mean I liked it but it's not that great of a movie.

So we watch the movie and it gets to the infamous sex scene. I remember this movie as being totally...um...arousing. I mean I was 14 or 15 when it came out and well... really horny. Well, watching it again 12 years later didn't quite have the same effect (probably because we were analyzing the hell out of the movie), but considering the nudity and graphic-ness of the scene, it's not exactly surprising I liked to watch that movie by myself.

As usual, throughout the movie, Nick and I provided a running commentary (I'll clarify and say I provide a running commentary and Nick just responds).

Me: That Italian dude is not all that attractive is he?
Nick: No, he really isn't. Oh there it is, the sex scene where the kid comes in like 2 minutes.
Me: It was his first time too wasn't it? I mean she can't expect her first time to be any good. First time sex is always shitty. Except for the guys whose virginity I took, of course, I'm sure their first time was great.
Nick: Of course. (rolls eyes)
Nick: Mine first time wasn't bad actually.
Me: Really? Maybe it's just a girl thing. It's kind of... intrusive and you don't really expect to enjoy it.
Me: Guys have it easy.

Guest Post: The Snark of the XXIX Olympiad--by The Bergle

Yup. I'm stepping in for the day.

For those of you who don't know me: I'm Nick, Jo's future husband and the proprietor of www.beermonger.net, where I talk about all things beer and whatever else happens to flit across my head. I figured I'd get the plug out of the way; half the reason I'm doing this is to get all of my honey's readers to stop by and check out my site. I'm a whore for plugs. I admit it.

Anyhoo, the point is this: I'm a sucker for the Olympics. I'm one of those dudes who, for two weeks every four years, becomes a track-and-field expert and picks apart the form of divers. So Jo and I have been watching the Games with some interest, and we've got a few observations:

-First; I know where the money is. I know everyone watches gymnastics and diving and swimming. I get that. Beach Volleyball is working its way into the primetime as well, which led to this funny exchange:

Nick: "Beach Volleyball. Nice."
Jo: "What's the appeal in Beach Volleyball?"
Nick: "You mean besides--"
Jo: "Besides hot chicks in bikinis? Ok, I get that."
Nick: "Well, what's there to argue, then?"

So yeah, I know where the ratings are. All I ask is this: Just let me know when and where I can watch Judo and Wrestling. Those are the only events that I and I alone really want to watch. Just a head's up. Please. I know I'm a dork.

-Second: I could watch swimming all the time. Not kidding. Amazing stuff. I know football's coming up, but as I've said thousands of times throughout my life, there's a horrible black pit in the middle of the year between the end of the NBA and NHL seasons and the start of the NFL season. I'm looking at you, swimming. I want a good two months during the summer of Micheal Phelps and his really weird proportions. The dude is like 6'7" and has this giant wingspan, yet he looks like he's got T-Rex arms.

If you don't move, he can't see you.

Jo went to bed early last night and missed the 4x100M Freestyle Relay. I know that doesn't sound like much on the face of it, but this was the most amazing sporting event I've seen in some time. The French came in heavily favored and talking shit. I know, I was just as surprised as you. Anyway, the French come in all ready to "Smash" the Americans, and going into the last leg of the race they have the lead. But the last American in the pool, Jason Lezak, managed to catch the Frenchman (a badass swimmer in his own right) and wins the race for the U.S. by .08 of a second. I jumped out of my seat. My heart was pounding. When they played the anthem at the medal ceremony, I got a little cloudy. Swimming rocks. Let's get a decent network deal going, swimming.

-Third: Gymnastics. You knew this was coming. It's unavoidable. It's like figure skating--every Olympics I swear I'm not going to get sucked in and next thing I know, I know who everyone is and their goddamn backstory. So, not shocking me in the least, Jo sits down and wants to watch the gymnastics last night, which were the prelims for the team competition. So China is up, and there's apparently been a lot of talk about whether the Chinese girls are old enough to legally be on the team...

...I have no idea where they got that idea. Looks 16 to me. Perfectly normal. Your turn for the defense, Jo.

The U.S. team then decided to go out and put on an exhibition of fuckery and half-assery that made David Spade's career stop and take notice (before it signed a development deal on a 'wacky neighbor' role for a future sitcom starring Rob Schneider's really weird looking new face). For every clutch performance that made us say "wow" a girl would fall off the uneven bars. Or be too hurt for the floor exercise. Or pooch a vault.
Watching this, Jo and I came to the only logical conclusion: The commentators were jinxing them. Not only are the three of them vapid, unfunny and condescending but they are full-on black cat open umbrella (ella, ella) in the room walking under a ladder back luck. It started simply enough, I think: in order to justify their once-every-four-years pay, they felt a need to vamp and fill all the empty air that should really just be left alone for the sake of watching amazing young athletes do extraordinary things. This angered the gods, and as punishment these three idiots are unwittingly now being used to shake the balance of girls or loosen a grip of a competitor on the rings or bars. They are killing gymnasts everywhere and they don't even know it. Stop the madness, NBC. You know you can.

One more thing on gymnastics and this is one that goes back a long way for me. For years this has been pissing me off. The floor exercise. If you've ever watched a floor exercise, and if you're like me you have (by 'like me' of course I mean gay), you've seen world-class highly-trained athletes at the peak of their abilities fearlessly run, at a full sprint no less, into tumbling passes that would make any of us mortals throw up or even die. These girls are absolute animals, with bodies and abilities that should make any baseball fan (or player for that matter) hang their head in shame and realize that their 'sport' is pointless.
So why do they have to go out and dance to crappy faux-house music that you'd never hear outside of The Limited? Why does this unbelievable show of skill need be garnished like it's the talent portion of Ms. World Jailbait? The single most condescending thing in sports, besides the way fans speak of the 'beauty' of the 'continuity' of the numbers in baseball, is the way female gymnasts are made to smile and shake their asses like they're goddamn cheerleaders. It's time for this to stop. Where's Hilary to fight for these women? Someone tell her she'll get a medal if she can make this stop--she'll get right on it.

By the by, all you PUMA's out there--shut up. Just shut the fuck up. It's over. Done. She put on a great fight but she lost. If you honestly were supporting Hilary and now are thinking of voting McCain just shoot yourself now and do the rest of us a favor. I'm sick of the bullshit. She's going to support Obama, the least you could do is respect her wishes. Jesus.

Moving on...

-Fourth: Having just taken a stand for women's equality and the mistreatment of female gymnasts, allow me to crush any impression of me as a feminist...

Wow, are there some hot girls in the Games this time. With the gymnastics starting last night, Jo and I didn't know anyone's names yet. Jo came up with some quick nicknames (the girl with the Russian dad became "The Ballerina", the short really built one became "Little Tank", you get the idea) to identify them by. One in particular, known to us as "Miseralba" because as Jo said "She kinda looks Latina" and in tribute to the funny-as-hell Michael K. at Dlisted, how can I say this, stood out. Let's put it this way--my original suggestion for her name was simply "Boobs". Of course this led to a running conversation, with this probably being the highlight:

Nick: "She's very curvy for a gymnast..."
Jo: "Yeah. She's got boobs and tits and ass." (I swear to god she said that)
Nick: "I thought they didn't allow that kind of thing in international competition."

The Olympics are amazing, in that for two weeks we get to check out spectacular bodies doing what they have been made to do. From the Chinese divers,
to the Beach Volleyball women
to the Beach Volleyball Cheerleaders (I swear I'm not making this up)
And yes, the swimmers and gymnasts. Don't say I never did anything for you...

I'm just saying. If nothing else, there's a lot of hot people there. Ok, one more Beach Volleyball pic...
I'm sure there's context there. I'm also sure I don't give much of a crap.
Go team U.S.A.!
See you at my blog. I update a little more than Jo does, at least...

Nick

Modern Love

Based on the recommendation of a few good friends, I read the New York Times series Modern Love. The Times held a writing contest for people to explain how they saw love and got an incredible amount of responses. One person won but they also published the runner-ups.

My favorite was a post titled "Let's not get to know each other better" Don't jump to conclusions just based on the title, though. This essay is more about why love for today's college aged is a little more difficult than in previous generations. On passage in particular made me think, and made me understand his logic a bit better.

"But I think it goes beyond that. Our short attention spans tend to be measured in nanoseconds. We float from room to room watching TV, surfing the Internet, playing Frisbee and finding satisfaction around every corner, if only for a moment... We’ve grown up in an age of rampant divorce and the accompanying tumult. The idea that two people can be happy together, maturing alongside each other, seems as false as a fairy tale. So when a relationship ends, it isn’t seen as bad. It’s held as evidence that the relationship was never any good to begin with...But I do occasionally wonder: If we can’t get past ourselves and learn to sacrifice to be with another, then what is in store? A generation of selfish go-getters fueled by nothing more than our own egos, forever seeking that rare dose of self-esteem? An era of loneliness filled with commercial wants and mate selection based on the shallowest of criteria?"

I read this essay considering myself lucky. Not lucky that I was in a happy, monogamous relationship... that's just a consequence. I'm lucky because I grew up witnessing my parents' love for one another. I knew that the fairy tale isn't a fairy tale, it's reality. Yes, by that I mean that my parents have been together for 36 years and that's amazing, but I also mean that the expectations are different. When you grow up seeing your parents argue, fight and go through hell and back then see them fall right back in love again, that's when you believe.

Real love is not expectations and fairy tales. I sometimes think the biggest consequence of the rampant divorce rates is not that it makes us think that love can't happen, it's that it makes us think: "well, they didn't work because they weren't right for one another, I won't make my parents' mistakes! I'll find someone who is perfect!" Good luck with that. That kind of mentality is what causes divorce in the first place because you realize that the person you marry isn't as perfect as you thought they were once life gets a little bumpy and next think you know you're also divorced. It's a vicious cycle.

I mean, yes, part of the reason is that we have the option of divorce now. That it's socially acceptable and sometimes expected. But think of the couples that DID make it work. Now, I'm not trying to suggest anything about anyone, so don't take offense. However, I do think that more often than not (thanks to society's instant gratification expectations) people give up too soon. Like I said, I saw it happen in real life in my parents' example. I saw them go through some shit than you can't possibly imagine, and 36 years after they got married they still manage to spend 5 months in a 40 foot sailboat together without killing each other. Now that's amazing and really, that's real love!

I'm not sure what I mean by any of this, I think I lost my original point somewhere. But maybe just maybe, this fear of love and commitment and this preference for one night stands wasn't the fault of our parents' divorce statistics... maybe we did it to ourselves.

Pulled Over and Lady Cops

So yesterday morning on my way to work I got pulled over.

I'm driving and trying to get in the left lane because a cop car is blocking the right lane, when Lady Cop waves at me and tells me to pull over. I'm kinda surprised because, I wasn't speeding or doing anything particularly illegal.

Lady Cop comes to my window (the fact that this is Melissa Ethridge lyric is very apt, as you'll see in a second). She was, I'm almost 100% sure, a butch lesbian. With a mullet. It's rare enough to see a Lady Cop, but for one to fit a stereotype so perfectly goes above and beyond expectations.

But back to the story. Apparently, I was in the right turn lane trying to go straight when I should've been on the left lane. Not a big deal. At this point, I'm turning up the charm and doing my best "Woe is me! I'm so sorry" face.

It worked.

It worked a little too well, I think, because Lady Cop proceeds to flirt with me. This was a positive thing as it turns out because not only was I getting pulled over for a traffic violation, but I also did not have my Arlington County decal (looooong story).

Lady Cop writes me a warning for the traffic violation and tells me to get my decal and send the slip in so I won't get fined. Then she makes small talk about the weather and tells me to drive safe and take care now. Really a very nice woman.

Why is it that I can successfully get out of a ticket with a woman cop, but with the guys I can make myself cry and show cleavage and nothing? Is it because they're on a power trip? It is because I'm trying too hard? *sigh* Maybe I should just pray I get women cops every time I get pulled over.